BodyJoy

I wanted to hear my sexy California man say, “Honey, I miss you. I want to be with you. Please come and spend time with me this Thanksgiving?” And being generous, he would add, “I’ll take care of your plane ticket.” (Because it’s a man’s world when it comes to money.) To complete my fantasy invitation (and jump his bones when I see him) he’d throw in a teaser, “And I have a surprise for you.”

But that’s not how it went when he “invited” me a few days ago. On the phone he started, “Sounds like you don’t have any plans for Thanksgiving…You’d probably like to get out of Austin…I got invited over to dinner with friends…and I think they want to meet you…” I interrupted him, “I’m happy here until I get a clear and enthusiastic invitation to go somewhere else.”

So I wasn’t getting invited the way I wanted; what’s an Intimacy Imp to do? Long ago I’ve given up on hoping men could read my mind, and becoming nasty when they didn’t. I knew this was an educating moment—and women, when you say you’re tired of anymore educating, I say go ahead and suffer—the rest of your life! I stepped up to the plate.

“Dear,” I drew in a deep breath on my side of the phone, “I don’t want your invitation to be about saving me, or any other excuses or apologies really. I’d rather your invitation reach out to me, expose your longings, clearly express your desire for our togetherness, and then offer to make it happen such as buying my plane ticket.” Now I said it. It felt solid—unmistakably I knew I had honored myself. I was proud that I stood up for what I wanted–in this case, a good invitation. I felt alive in my body and electricity between us. I added teasingly, “And I’m likely to say yes to the first sexy guy who gives me such an invitation and I hope it’s you.”

Now he has a choice; relationships are full of choices. I said what I wanted; it doesn’t mean I get it. If he doesn’t give me what I want, it’s more about him than me. I’m a grownup now.

So be vulnerable, reach out, and be yummy in your holiday inviting. And however the chips fall, honor yourself by asking for what your want…and you just may get it! Well, I’m off to California for Thanksgiving with a great start—and if you’re expecting me to tell you what his surprise is—think again or….better yet, make up your own! Happy Inviting, Charla, the Intimacy Imp