The phone rang, it was my sexy California Lover. I imagined him saying, “Honey, I miss you. I want you here. Please, come to California and spend Thanksgiving with me?” And being generous, he would add, “I’ll take care of your plane ticket.” (Because it’s a man’s world when it comes to money.) And to complete my fantasy invitation (and jump his bones when I get there), he’d throw in a teaser, “And I have a surprise for you.”
But that’s not how my lover “invited” me over. He said, “Sounds like you don’t have any plans for Thanksgiving…You’d probably like to get out of Austin…I got invited over to dinner with friends…and I think they may want to meet you…”
Blah. I wasn’t getting invited the way I wanted; and an invitation sets up the meeting! What’s an Intimacy coach to do? Long ago I gave up hoping men could read my mind, and resenting them when they didn’t. I knew this was an educating moment—and lovers, if you say you’re tired of educating, I say go ahead and suffer—the rest of your life! I stepped up to the plate.
“Dear,” I drew in a deep breath on my side of the phone, “I don’t want an invitation to be about saving me, or even about meeting other people. I want you to reach out to me, be vulnerable in your desire to be with me, and offer ways to make it happen.” Whew, I said it. Gulp. It felt right…and solid—I had that unmistakable feeling of honoring myself. In the following silence, I could feel the electricity between us and in my body. Teasingly I added, “And I’m likely to say yes to the first sexy man who so invites me–and I hope it’s you.”
The balls in his court. Shut up. Relationships are full of choices. I said what I wanted; it doesn’t mean I get it. If he doesn’t give me what I want, I know it’s not about me, it’s about him. Sounds grownup, huh?
With a little prompting, I got the invitation (and plane ticket) I wanted and jumped his bones when I got there! I invite you, dear reader, to be vulnerable when you invite someone over–expose your needs and desires, they are good not bad. And however the chips fall, feel proud that you took care of yourself by asking by asking for what you want. Who knows, you just may get it! I’ll leave you guessing as to what his surprise was–and I had one for him, too! Happy Inviting from the Invitation Wizard, Charla