Sex and Tango: Notes from a Sex Coach and Tango Dancer
A newcomer to Tango dancing, I’m inspired to share the many parallels I see between this intimate, elegant dance and what I teach as a sex coach about intimate, elegant sex.
In the sensual dance of Tango, the man becomes the container for the dance, the woman, the movement. The man forms the mold, the woman moves the energy and light. He is the Presence; She is the Dance. He makes a subtle suggestion, a proposal for action, she interprets his cue, and moves her body. In short, the man makes a suggestion, the woman does her thing, he makes it right and offers another suggestion–over and over.
In Sex as in Tango, the man is the container, the mold, the underlying Presence. The woman is the energy, the light and movement. He leads with a suggestion, she interprets his cue and moves her body, her breath, dancing her dance, expressing her desires. His Presence, deep and spiritual, is the safe springboard for her delight, play, and sexual energy…that feels so good to them both.
In Sex, if a man is too busy trying, doing, moving, or even penetrating, he cannot hold the strong container for her ecstasy. A man must know how to be still, just as there is no music without playing the rests. A good Lover (and Tango dancer) is a man who can hold space for a woman to do her thing. And a good Lover (and Tango dancer) is a woman who can take this space, own it, dance it, and move through it with joy and abandon. A man has to be so connected to his core, inner strength, and comfortable with ‘not doing’ so that his mere suggestion (not a heavy hand) sets the Universe in motion.
Magically, a man’s deep Presence opens space for a woman to find her pleasure, her dance, capture the light, and ride into ecstasy…carrying them both beyond the music, beyond the bedroom, beyond the dance floor, beyond the light, and into a seamless Sea of Pleasure and Treasured Connection that we all love, long for, and long to be lost in.
Interestingly, in Tango, except for learning purposes, one partner is perpetually the ‘lead’ (suggesting movements), and other the ‘follower’ (interpreting cues). The beauty of good sex is, although the man and women naturally (and culturally) play certain roles, we get to switch. And changing off the lead can be fun, playful, inventive, and enlightening. In sex we can choose to negotiate roles, reverse them, change our mind, all which makes things very interesting. Sex is a great place to discover our innate male and female, our natural desire to both lead and follow. This expansiveness in sexuality, a uniquely human invention of consciousness, lets us play in both roles–accessing our larger self, greater awareness, pleasure, and expanded spiritual soul.
So I love expressing my feminine on the dance floor, dressing sexy in high heels, and love the men who hold space for my dance. And I love ‘tangoing’ in the bedroom knowing deeply the complimentary essence of power and surrender, their unique qualities and challenges, and choosing and weaving between them in every moment.
My favorite Austin Tango teachers are Monica & Gustavo at esquinatangoaustin.com and Daniela