A Bonobo Moment

I just got to spend time watching our closest ape relatives, the Bonobos, at the San Diego Zoo.  The youngsters sat in warm sand, legs spread open, scooping it up and pouring it over their genitals, getting up and doing it again–all with an erection of course!

It was hard to tell which gender was stroking another or reaching for the genitals of a passerby.  No one seemed offended or even phased.  I saw assimilated intercourse repeated times (lasting only a few brief moments) and then the next moment, the positions of the participants would be reversed.

These good tempered monkeys seemed to used sensuality as a social glue, offering lots of cuddling , grooming, and genital contact across gender and age lines and even delighting in themselves.  I’ve heard these little dark hairy critters, declared their own species for only the last 70 years, are really our closest relatives and different from the more aggressive chimpanzees.  Their style is cooperative and peaceful.  They share easily and will often defer to conflict by simply offering a submissive sexual position.  They can even copulate face to face unlike the doggie style of the chimpanzee.

The San Diego Zoo is one of only eight zoos that have these critically endangered animals.  The human children watching with me delighted in Bonobo shenanigans without knowing any of the adult names for their behavior.  The adult zoo visitors  were also mesmerized, though they seemed a little more uncomfortable at times.

The zoo keeper told me that teachers bring their middle school students to study the behavior of these endearing ancestors which we used to refer to as pygmy chimpanzees.  I thought what a great lesson in sexuality ‘outside the box’ for adolescents–even if it is behind the glass at the zoo.  I was warmed to know we can still touch our natural roots of pan-sensuality before we layered it with protocol and judgment.

So do I want to host a Bonobo Party when I return to Austin?  As a sex educator and coach I still believe in getting permission, and that means a clear yes, before any touch (or hug) really–unless certain behaviors are agreed upon between partners. But I’d like to give a party in the spirit of the Bonobos and their tender touching, caressing, and play.  We humans can take the best of both worlds; we can care of ourselves with a simple yes or no and reclaim a community of sensual effervescence of shared, safe touch.

Charla Hathaway 8/5/09

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