Charla’s Blog

Strangers in a sauna talk about sex, love and porn

I sought out the sauna at my local gym wanting to get warm after three solid weeks of hard Austin winter.  After saying ‘hi’ to a woman on the lower bench we started talking about her philosophy class.  She said the men in her philosophy class didn’t want to ‘hear‘ her feminine perspective.  I told her the men who come to see me as a sex and intimacy coach–really want to hear my perspective.

 

I shared how men often look me in the eye and say without a doubt they are clueless when it comes to pleasing a woman in bed. Men offer me more vulnerability and honesty in a few minutes of talk than they’ve probably shared with their partners in decades of marriage.  My new sauna friend was intrigued,  she’d never heard of an intimacy coach.  “Sex is always so hush, hush,” she said, “We grope in the dark guessing and hoping we’ll get it right.”

 

Two men chimed in to our discussion in the dimly lit warmth, one young and one middle aged.  They reflected on how growing up male, with narrow and traditional views, didn’t fit them.  They struggled to discarded the ‘stiff upper lip’ of their father’s generation to find new models of masculinity.  We talked with ease and interest about the ways men learn about being a man, including male sexually, like pop culture, movies and porn.

 

I mentioned my woman friend who produces artistic, erotic films that are winning awards at feminist film festivals and beyond. In her hot films, women often set the pace and tone of the sensual encounter, and guide the man’s movement subtly and seamlessly.  Her men look into the woman’s eyes, support her taking the lead, receive graciously, and give her space ‘to be’ her without taking over.

 

The sauna was getting too hot for all of us.  But we didn’t want to leave–a group of four strangers totally engulfed in the magic of genuine, from-the-heart conversation on meaningful topics.

 

I reflected how going into the sauna that evening I was feeling sorry for myself. I felt lonely and apart, lamenting the cold, dark winter, and thinking how I’d not had sex for a long time. Then I remembered the original definition of ‘intercourse’–verbal exchange.  Gee, I felt I just had intercourse with another women and two men in the YMCA sauna! I bet, had I asked, my partners would agree we had experienced as strangers more intimacy, truth, and transparency in that public place with our clothes on than most couples will experience that night in bed.

 

I left to go shower feeling full, satiated…just having had the best intercourse of my day–my week, and longer!  Our simple gift to each other was full attention, respect and truth telling without trying to convince anyone our way was better.  It felt so natural and nourishing to be with people this way. We are such social beings.  Communities are created and disperse in a continuous and unexpected flow. Although the coming-together of  community may be brief, its effects can stay with you forever.

 

Thank you,  Jennifer Lyon Bell, for your sexy films available at www.blueartichokefilms.com

What is a Sacred Intimate?

A Sacred Intimate is a teacher who uses touch, including erotic touch, to teach you how to feel more comfort, connection and pleasure in your body.  S/he guides you back to a state of recognizing,  experiencing and enjoying your body sensations.   We have been told to disregard and distrust the information percolating up from the gut, genitals, heart, and skin. Instead, we are told to trust only our head or intellect.

 

This is an unbalanced and dangerous way to live, as the mind is quick to play many tricks.  If we are separated from our body wisdom that comes from the neck down, we feel hurried, confused and unable to enjoy pleasure. We have moved from our natural evolution of living (slowly) in the body to a hyper-fast life of living from the neck up.  A Sacred inmate is trained to reintegrate our body-mind-spirit as we were designed to live by nature.

 

A Sacred Intimate is trained to help a client re-sense his/her body information that is constantly available at every moment.  By getting a student to listen to the simple and profound messages coming from the body, s/he can make decisions–whether in bed sexually, or out of bed in life–that are authentic, safe, empowering and pleasurable.

 

When it comes to sexuality, most of us do not understand how to create a container of safety.  As a Sacred Intimate, I use different body-based techniques such as conscious breath, intention, touch, choice, and permission to teach safe and passionate play.  Always coming back to what you ‘notice’ or ‘observe’ in your body, a client develops a sense of ‘being present’ in the moment, instead of being anxious about the future or depressed about the past.

 

Sensing and being able to verbalize what is going on in one’s own body is monumental for most people and expands one’s potential to be sexually at ease and feel pleasure.  Good sex is simply learning to feel more sensation in the body and interacting with others in a way that feels clear and full of choice.

 

With a Sacred Intimate you experience sacred embodiment. You learn to trust your yes and no and reserve the right to change your mind. You express your desires without shame and share authentically who you are in each moment.  Sacred Embodiment means you feel safe in your own body.  You enter delicious realms of deep surrender and ecstasy because touch is based on consent and permission.

 

When we are sacredly embodied we can truly celebrate our commonality and communion with others and all life.  We feel an elated sense of well-being, a timeless and treasured joy to be alive. Our hearts open. We become refreshed and enlightened.

Here’s a Sacred Intimates blog I contribute to along with several other teachers.

Love and Intimacy Workshop

Are you ready to experience a miracle in your relationship?

Download the Event Flyer [PDF]

Join with others who are taking love, intimacy and sensuality to the next level. If you desire to move past the barriers that keep you apart, fearful and in judgment…you are ready!

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bMUmz8mgFz8

Dates: Friday 6/3 (evening), Saturday 6/4 & Sunday 6/5
Times: Fri. 7 – 9pm, Sat. and Sun. 9am -5pm
Location: Austin, TX
To Attend: $280/person (Sat & Sun), $160/person (Sat. only), Friday night FREE

Love and Intimacy Weekend Retreat

● Examine your beliefs about love and intimacy and discover your limitations around fully expressing and receiving pleasure.● Enjoy playful and powerful exercises in which you express your joy, depth and vulnerability.

● Explore being your authentic self and discover just how attractive and sexy your truth is!

● Engage with others while staying connected to yourself.
● Experience what comes up in each moment with calm and curiosity.

What will I learn? You will deepen your love for yourself and others. You will take home new skills to cultivate more honesty, joy, and intimacy (in-to-me-see) with your self and others.

Who will be there? Meet others who, like you, choose to explore life and sensuality in safe, conscious, and spontaneous ways.

Why Now? You are it! You are the creator of your own life experiences.  Life is happening NOW. Why not have the life you absolutely love and adore?

What are the details? To register go to www.paypal.com and deposit payment to verweyn@pacbell.net. (Cigna or BCBS insurance accepted for practical payment.) Call Nicole for more info at 512-670-3955.

Love and Intimacy Retreaters from last June’s retreat said:

  • “It was the best weekend of my life; I feel an innocence and playfulness return to my relstionships.”
  • “I let down my barriers and let my wife into a place that I had never experienced in our fifteen years of marriage.”
  • “I fell in love with my partner in new intimate ways.”
  • “My body changed. Since the workshop my doctor said my heart rate went from 80 to 65. I’m a new person.”
  • “After the workshop when I had knee surgery, I fell in love with everyone in rehab.”
  • “It was amazing to experience trust, support and love build up so quickly between people.”

Meet your Facilitators:

Nicole Verwey, Licensed Psychotherapist, Certified Professional Life Coach and Relationship Expert, teaches people through play and coaching “How to Win the Love Game” and “Mindful Eating”.  (512) 670-3955 www.whatyousaycounts.com

Charla Hathaway, CSB, ACS, intimacy coach and author has helped thousands enjoy juicier relationships by showing them new ways to touch, talk and play. She’s the best-selling author of Erotic Massage, and 8 Erotic Nights: Passionate Encounters. Charla’s teachings will be featured in a Discovery Channel documentary this spring.  (512) 626-5037, www.BodyJoy.org

What’s Your Sexual Resolution for the New Year?

How do you want to grow your sexuality in the coming year?  Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. Do you want a better sex life?  Make a resolution!

 

Last year I resolved to play more and attract playful partners.  What a difference that resolution has made in my life! I challenge you to make a sexual resolution for  the coming year.

 

Here’s what I did:

1) First, I resolved to turn off the computer by 6 pm every day and leave it off on Sundays. I was forcing myself to find other things to do…changing old habits!

 

2) I started…flirting! (And women love it when men flirt too!) I love the feeling that any where, any time, I could turn myself on with a flirt–over and over.  I flirted in emails, called old friends, and invited men to do things with me. The more I flirted the easier and funner it became.

 

3) I joined a dating site and practiced being authentic–instead acting interested in someone. I started interrupting as a way to be more authentic.  The moment I got bored or antsy in a conversation, I interrupted him or her  instead of letting them go on–and me check out.  I vowed to stay totally present.  Yep, I stopped faking conversation just like I stopped faking orgasms–some thirty years ago. Wow, try it!

 

4)  I bought a small cloth-bound book to record wonderful things people said to me. I keep my ‘appreciation book’ handy on the piano, and refer to it when I’m feeling down. It works wonders!  We have great sex when we feel good about ourselves. This could be your New Year’s sexy resolution.

 

Dear friends, let me share with you from my appreciation book: “You’re a blonde bulldog for love.  You got your Marilyn on!  I was in crises over turning thirty, now I want to be sixty just like you.  You spread fairy dust–I feel your presence after you leave.”    Humm, Happy Resolution Making!

Love and Intimacy Workshop

June 3-5, Friday 7-10 pm,  Sat & Sun 9-6 pm,  Austin

Download the flyer for the Love and Intimacy Couples Retreat.


$360/person by April 1, $400 after

Are you ready to experience a miracle in your relationship? Join with others who are taking love, intimacy and sensuality to the next level. If you desire to move past the barriers that keep you apart, fearful and in judgment…you are ready!

● Examine your beliefs about love, sex and intimacy and discover your limitations
● Explore being your authentic self and discover just how attractive and sexy your truth is!
● Engage with others while staying connected to yourself.
● Enjoy playful and powerful exercises in which you express your joy, depth and vulnerability.
● Experience what comes up in each moment with calm and curiosity.

Charla and Nicole talk about relationships. .

For more information please call 512) 796-7269.

Love, Sex & Spirit, June 2010 weekend retreat with Charla Hathaway and Nicole Verwey.

What will I learn? You will deepen your love for yourself and others. You will take home new skills to cultivate more honesty, joy, and intimacy (in-to-me-see) with your self and others.

Who will be there? Meet others who, like you, choose to explore life and sensuality in safe, conscious, and spontaneous ways.

Why Now? You are it! You are the creator of your own life experiences.  Life is happening NOW. Why not have the life you absolutely love and adore?

Love and Intimacy Retreaters from last June’s retreat said:

  • “It was the best weekend of my life; I feel a natural innocence and playfulness return to my sensuality.”
  • “I let down my barriers and let other people into a place that took 15 years of marriage for my wife to enter.”
  • “I fell in love with my partner in new ways.”
  • “My body’s changed. Since the workshop my acupuncturists said my heart rate went from 80 to 65. I’m a new person.”
  • “After the retreat when I had knee surgery and I fell in love with everyone in rehab.”
  • “It was amazing to experience trust, support and love build up so quickly in this environment.”

Meet your Facilitators:

Nicole Verwey, Licensed Psychotherapist, Certified Professional Life Coach and Relationship Expert, teaches people through play and coaching
“How to Win the Love Game” and “Mindful Eating”.  (512) 670-3955
www.whatyousaycounts.com

Charla Hathaway, CSB, ACS, intimacy coach and author has helped thousands enjoy juicier relationships by showing them new ways to touch, talk and play. She’s the best-selling author of Erotic Massage, and 8 Erotic Nights: Great Sex for a Lifetime. Charla will be featured in a Discovery Channel documentary.  (512) 626-5037, www.BodyJoy.org

Skinny dipping together

I quickly shed my clothes on the sun-baked rocks and slid bare-bodied under a mini water fall at Sculptured Falls along the Barton Springs Greenbelt.  Hiking with new friends from Austin’s Hill Country Nudist Club (www.hillcountrynudists.com) gave me the courage to swim the way I wanted to.

It was my first time to take off my clothes “in public” (no other bathers at the swimming hole were nude).  I peeled off layers of the rank and file, right and wrong world, and emerged vulnerable and fresh to enjoy myself unadorned. It felt divine to dive naked into the emerald pool and breast-stroke through spring-fed waters without resistance. I felt a childish glee to experience the oneness of my body and the water.

My buddies and I talked while sunning and sitting bare-bottomed in a shallow pool a clear water.  It felt natural to converse this way, unencumbered.  Talk flowed and there was a real sense of leaving the unnecessary behind and being present to life in the moment…with strangers even.

Casually we noticed other families, kids, couples and dogs relaxing together in the early summer day.  I wondered what these ‘textiles’ or ‘threads,’ as someone from our naked group called the clothed people, thought of us ‘au naturals.’  No one seemed to care much except a young couple who kept gravitating towards us.  I was imagining them imagining how good it would feel to take your clothes off.

I realized our small community of unadorned recreationists were setting an example, a beacon for not forgetting how it can be.  We were living testimony to body-friendly, body-loving, and body-enjoying living.  We exemplified  how nudity doesn’t mean sex is around the corner.  We reclaimed our natural state for us and the joy of experiencing our own skin.

We ‘naturalists’  agreed we could not have done this individually–a single naked man or woman would be viewed differently on the river bank.  We needed the company of others for our adventure to work.  I reflected how true that is for many things–couples, relationships, families, children, sex, etc, all need community to support and nurture growth.

I’m awed by learning and teaching positive sexuality in groups (classes, retreats, pujas) and see how I’ve moved more and more from private coaching (which I love also) into building trust-based communities where we can be heard, seen, touched and appreciated by many.  The group holds us to the fire of authenticity, truth, presence and transparency where behind closed doors we often try to fake it or don’t even try at all.  Community is the highest standard; we discover our humanity, our connectedness, our normalness, and share our fear, love and pleasure.

Going Bare Foot All Over: My First Nude Cruise

On my first morning sailing to Hawaii on a clothing-optional cruise, I couldn’t decide what to wear. It was a cloudy, breezy day on the Pacific and too cold for me to be naked. I worried, “Would wearing a bathrobe or sarong to breakfast make me stick out?” Being my first nude cruise, I wanted to blend in. That morning I learned an important rule from my fellow nude recreationists, be comfortable and be yourself. At breakfast I found all states of dress and undress. More importantly, over the next two weeks on-board I found it easy to be myself, dressed or not–and the sun did come out!

I was invited on this 20th anniversary Bare Necessity cruise by Tom and Nancy, the founders, who wanted to offer their 2,000 plus passengers quality learning experiences during the eight days at sea going and returning to Hawaii. I could hardly believe myself–an invitation to teach sacred, sensual embodiment to naked people while sailing to Paradise! I figured my frank, positive talks on sex would fall on good ears (or buns!) on this trip.

My first lecture was on sex and aging, and I was having trouble picturing myself naked on stage with a microphone in my hand. From the podium I watched the sea of mostly naked bodies, a couple hundred or more, file into the ship’s auditorium. Everyone carried a towel to put between their butt and the seat cushion following the universal nudist etiquette, or UNdress Code. I smiled. Aren’t you supposed to imagine your audience naked before you speak in order to put yourself at ease? Wearing a silk Indian sarong my mother gave just before my cruise, I succumbed to my uncontrollable urge to ‘flash’ my audience. Now how many speakers can brag about doing that?! Laughing, someone from the audience piped up, “How many of us can say we’ve ever been flashed by a speaker?!” The ice was broken!

During the talk I asked these seasoned nude cruisers for their insights for my next book, Sexy Aging: Stories of How Loving Gets Better. Being sixty, savvy and feeling sexy, I shared how my journey to more pleasure and intimacy has increased with age. I posed them questions, “What do you enjoy about your loving now that you didn’t experience when you were younger?” “How has sex changed as you’ve aged?” “What advice might you give a young person today about enjoying sex as they age?” I felt like Oprah running around with a microphone following their lively responses, except my guests stood up stark naked. We relished how aging allows us to slow up, express more, and go deeper. “Now I have time to enjoy my erections!” “Now I feel my orgasm, not just in my genitals, but throughout my entire body and into my partner.” “My wife loosing a kidney has made our loving more precious than ever.”

Later I lead a large group in a tantra puja called Playful Touch in Paradise.  We gifted each other with imaginary pearls, whispered appreciations in each other’s ears, danced like dolphins, invited Sirens out to play, and graced each another with safe, heartfelt, sensual but non-sexual touch. Group play is magical. Each of us, supported by safe and conscious community, embraces our humanity and freedom.

As a single person among mainly couples, I was warmed by the abundance of camaraderie and inclusion. Strangers welcomed me to their dinner tables, and I met new folks easily at the pools, sauna and hot tubs. It seemed these people had shed more than their clothes for the journey–they’d left behind position, rank, defenses, and ego that keeps us separated and apart. From the onset, I experienced a communal warmth that invited open-hearted conversation and camaraderie, often about meaningful and intimate subjects. Your body size, shape or age didn’t seem to matter. Several women had only one breast, other passengers where in wheel chairs or on oxygen.

On this cruise I discovered unadorned pleasure. We came together to enjoy rather than to judge, to share rather than to perform, to show up rather than to show off. I snorkeled naked with the fish, played bare-bodied on the beach, did naked yoga on sea sprayed rocks, and nestled my bare body in moss covered rocks under trickling fresh water. In my life drawing class on the boat we drew the nude, nude. Go figure! In dance class we let it all hang out doing the salsa and meringue. Have you ever listened to a string quartet…naked? Many times I heard, ‘”Once you’ve experience a nude cruise, you’ll never go on a textile cruise again.”

When I was a girl I remember how good the grass felt between my toes on a summer day, cool and inviting. On this vacation I discovered how good it feels to go barefoot all over my body in the joyful company of other caring and respectful adults.

Anal Interview Gets to the Bottom of Things

I just saw a play on Broadway about the first electric vibrators doctors used to relieve women of ‘hysteria’ (built up pressure in the womb) in the late 1800‘s.  Now the Victorian doctors could do in minutes what used to take an hour–or eternity for many clueless husbands of the era.

Interestingly, the play included a rare instance of a man with ‘hysteria’ in which the doctor invented a new vibrator for the anus which stimulated his prostate–yep, right there on Broadway.  I mused, “Is touching and pleasuring the anus a new sexual frontier we can explore on and off stage now?” Is anal eroticism what oral was to sex a couple of decades ago?”

As a certified Sexological Bodyworker I’ve trained in safe, hygienic and erotic stimulation of the anus and learned its importance to our health and pleasure. To most of us, the anus was our first shaming and we, unaware, have built an invisible electric fence around it ever since. Can we undo the damage and begin to include this sensory-rich ‘rosebud’ in our intimate pleasuring?

At the Institute for the Advanced Studies of Human Sexuality, Dr. Jack Morin, author of the ‘bible’ on the subject, Anal Pleasure and Health, spoke to my class of erotic bodyworkers on how de-shaming the body’s ‘last frontier’ encourages us to accept and love ourselves more wholly–or more ‘holy’ if I may add a sacred element to deep embodiment.  He suggested taking a soapy finger while you’re in the shower and getting to know what’s been ‘behind’ you all along, “Hi there asshole, how you doing?  A little tight today?–let me take care of that.”  Erotic bodyworkers know if you can relax the rosebud, the rest of the body follows.

I’ve found a great technique in my work as a sex educator to bring new awareness and appreciation to our innocent posterior.  I often ask my clients if I may ‘interview’ their asshole. That’s right, I invite the person (say a man) to speak as if he is his anus speaking–giving voice to this silent part of his body.  I may ask for example, “How does it feel, Mr. A, when your Master (or the name of the person) ignores you, never touches you, or doesn’t recognize your unique gifts for His expanded and prolonged eroticism?”  “How do you feel when your neighbor, Mr. Penis, gets all the attention?” “Does your Master ever call anyone an ‘asshole’?  How does that make you feel?”

I’ve discovered people’s assholes are very articulate, surprisingly humorous, definitely persevering, and love to have their say. I like to ask my interviewee, “Mr. A, what could your Master do to show you more appreciation? Would you like him to check in with you from time to time?  And how would he do that?” I like to find out if Mr. A has ever been approached in a way that didn’t feel comfortable or without his permission.  Empowering a person with choice when it comes to anal touch can heal past abuse.

I like to close the anal interview with a question like, “Mr. A, since you’ve been so wise and so silent for so long, what closing words of wisdom would you like to leave with your Master now that he’s listening?” I hear the most profound sentiments rise up from the deep bowls of the body, “I’d like Him to lighten up, have more fun, not waste life only working…touch me, share me with a partner, learn to be multi-orgasmic with me…or even, show me off!”

Most folks who include anal touch in their erotic play do not have anal sex, or penetration with the penis.  Most simply enjoy stimulating the external rim or penetrating this nerve-rich area with a well-lubricated finger or sex toy designed for the anus (with a flared bottom to keep it from going inside).  More and more people are finding the anus is just another feel good part of the body we can enjoy (with a little knowledge and communication) instead of fear, or keep off limits.

Yes, anal gets us to the bottom of things.  We don’t have to reach far for sound advise–we’re sitting on it.  Each of us, man or woman, sits on a goldmine of pleasure and wisdom. We don’t even have to be hysterical to enjoy it!

Born Again Sensualists

In my Female Erotic Massage class, I demonstrate sensual massage strokes on a live, naked woman model.  Students observe how I prepare a woman to feel safe so she can surrender while receiving, and techniques for whole body pleasuring–including massaging breasts, genitals and g-spot. Some students choose to practice the strokes on the model.  All learn a lost art when it comes to full body touch–the art of going nowhere (no agenda) slowly.

Class participants, often fidgety ‘strangers’ at first, soon meld into a single tribe of curious and inquisitive explorers. Amazingly, in just a few of hours, you can dissolve a lifetime of body silence and shame, and travel further toward ecstacy than most married couples do in decades, if ever.

I remember one class of sixteen men and women, ranging from in age from 27 to 77, created a space that felt  like a Cathedral of the Carnal and Sacred, an ancient Temple where the Holy Priestess would teach seekers the healing power of pleasure.  The room of respectful devotees felt like a church celebrating holes, holiness and wholeness.  With her naked body lying on the alter, our prayer was to make the angels jealous! 


Students shared their own stories, fears and vulnerability around the massage table.  One women showed us on the model, “I like my breast cupped and supported this way before the nipple is touched.” One man exclaimed, “Oh, I didn’t know the outer lips could be massaged like that.”  Another confessed, “I never thought about asking for permission before touching.  I’m glad you showed us various ways to language to ask.”


Students became teachers for each other. It felt like a new era had dawned, exchanging positive and accurate sex information between folks who practice it!  We go to school for everything else, and here we were students of ecstatic touch and pleasure!  How do we learn things?  By watching others, good teachers, and lots of mistakes!  What if we could exchange helpful hints about sex as easily as exchanging recipes or favorite restaurants?

  

At the closing circle, we stood in awe for where we had been and what we had shared. Our brave model/teacher had exposed a naked Divinity.  We believed more in ourselves and heavenly possibilities for our earthly bodies. In humble gratitude for accurate and positive sex information, we became Born Again Sensualists. 

Female Orgasm and Ejaculation

Who would have imagined a shy girl from the midwest sponsoring a workshop on  female g-spot ejaculation?  Growing up in the 60‘s I was just discovering that women could have orgasms (forget what kind). The first time I ever heard the word clitoris I was in college (at which time I checked out ‘down there’ with a mirror just to make sure).  And now we’re not only supposed to be responsible for our own orgasms, we’re supposed to bring a towel.  What’s a shy girl to do?

 

Well, sexpert and female g-spot orgasm specialist, Deborah Sundahl, came to Austin and talked with us and showed a video clip on how women can expand their orgasmic potential.  She followed the fascinating co-ed lecture/discussion with an all women’s workshop.  Deborah, founder of On Our Backs, a women’s erotica magazine, author of Female Ejaculation and the G-Spot, and an award-winning DVD producer, gave us accurate information and tangible images on what could happen ‘down there’ if we are willing to let go deeper and trust our bodies.


Anatomically women have a prostate gland, though more diffused than a man’s, and create a prostatic-like fluid. Given the right stimulation to her g-spot, the spongy, wrinkled area just inside the vagina on the top side, every woman can ejaculate.  A scentless, clear fluid builds during arousal in her prostate which surrounds the urethra, the ‘nectar’ then drips into dozens of tiny ducts into the urethra.


In my experience I’ve found that g-spot orgasms differ from clitoral orgasms which feel to me more hard hitting, intense, and quick–how I imagine a man’s orgasm to be.  When I’ve experienced g-spot orgasms (or combinations) they feel almost elusive, diffused, and my whole body undulates in waves a subtle pleasure that come and go over time.  Call this spiritual?  I seem to be deeply aware of life, freedom, death and beauty–all at once, of course!  I become immersed in the awe of life.


How does a woman achieve such bliss? Deborah’s offering a new telelclass series you can enjoy in your own home, check out www.isismedia.org   Instead of pulling in and tightening the pelvic floor muscles (with high pitched squeals), try pushing out during orgasm using your strong Kegel muscles, moaning deeply, and invoking the Earth Mother, ha!…a watery squirt or diffused seepage may result–with or without orgasm.


The biggest hinderance to women expanding their orgasmic potential is shutting down and stopping the ‘flow’ so to speak. Since the ejaculatory response feels similar to the urge to pee many women stop there and it’s easy to see why.  A women may feel shame for having ‘wet the bed’ at some point and vowed never to do it again.  It takes a lot of trust in herself and a partner to fully invite a deeper surrender and vulnerability.   Supported and encouraged by a right lover, a woman’s waters can be coaxed ‘to pool’ in a slow dance of seduction, support, and connection.



And men, we have nothing up on you.  You have as much potential for expanded orgasm as women do.  Your prostate is your g-spot and stimulation of it is your ticket to repeating, deeply moving and spiritual pulses of pleasure.  Having full body, multiple g-spot orgasms are well worth getting over any homophobic idea that anal eroticism is saved for a blessed few.


Thank you, Deborah Sundahl, for sharing with us accurate, positive information about our bodies. Women, let’s take the egg timer off our orgasms, stop being so tidy, and stop being so SHY.  Let’s explore our bodies, trust our rhythm, and enjoy our juices.