Does Sex Get Better With Age? Here’s What No One Tells You

This article first appeared in Liv Fun magazine and appears here with permission.

Does Sex Get Better With Age? It Depends on Your Definition

“Does sex get better or worse as you age?” my students ask me.

“Well,” I reflect, “that depends on what you mean by ‘sex.’”

If you define sex as one organ plumbed into another for a wiggle-wiggle-pop, then sex poses new challenges as we age. Older body parts don’t always work the same way. And if you haven’t learned how to talk with a partner about sex, aging might make things harder—literally and emotionally.

But if you define sex more broadly—like we use the word “love”—then yes, sex can absolutely get better with age.

A New Definition of Sex as We Age

You can love your mother, your dog, pizza, or freedom. In the same way, sex doesn’t have to mean penetration or performance. It can mean the pleasure that comes when bodies meet in mutual safety, respect, vulnerability, and transparency.

With this expanded and more truthful definition of sex, aging opens a new sexual landscape—one rich with the awareness of mortality, gratitude, and even divinity.

What Gets Better With Age? Everything That Actually Matters

Maturity brings with it an acceptance of our bodies, deeper appreciation for our partners, and grace for each breath, touch, and word. If sex becomes an intricate dance of attention and connection—then yes, sex gets better with age.

One of my older clients confessed, “Finally, I get to enjoy my arousal.” With age, men slow down and genuinely seek more intimacy. They begin to question the old conditioning that told them to withhold feelings, perform, and chase a goal in bed and in life.

Women change too. They stop apologizing for what they want. They start expressing their sensuality on their own terms. Confidence grows. They take responsibility for their pleasure. And in that, a new erotic playing field opens.

Meandering Sex > Destination Sex

Mature lovers stop expecting their partner to read their mind. They understand that forgiveness is the lubricant of love. The goal is no longer the number of orgasms—or even orgasm at all. Sex becomes less about reaching a finish line, and more about what unfolds moment by moment.

Sex that used to follow a predictable script now becomes “meandering sex”—where every breath, every hairbrush against skin, every fingertip and shared laugh is its own form of climax.

And yes, this kind of sex gets better with age.

Your Body Changes, But Your Pleasure Doesn’t Have To

Whether you’re twenty or eighty, you’re aging. And yes, our bodies shift. Orgasms become less muscular. Tissue thins. The vascular system relaxes. But as our physical bodies change, we can expand the mental and emotional aspects of sex: deepen our focus, sharpen our presence, and learn how to receive pleasure in new ways.

The skin is the only organ that gets more sensitive as we age. We can learn to slow down, savor, and drink in more.

Attention Is the New Aphrodisiac

I once asked a room full of women: “Does size matter?”

Overwhelmingly, they said the size of a man’s attention is what truly turns them on.

Mature lovers toss out the old scripts. There’s no single “right way”—just this way, with this person, this time. They stop performing. They start noticing.

Beyond doing is being. Beyond thinking is feeling. Beyond control is presence.

Why does it take us so long to discover this? Maybe because it’s the kind of wisdom that only age can bring.

Does Sex Get Better With Age? Here’s the Truth.

Yes, sex gets better with age—when you choose to expand what sex can mean. When you let go of expectations. When you slow down and tune in.

My mother, at age eighty-five, was sitting naked in a hot tub with me at a nudist resort—our first time! I asked her if she still had orgasms. She grinned. “Remember when I went to China before Nixon opened it to the West? I visited a medical clinic and got a vibrator for back pain.”

She leaned closer: “Turns out, using it elsewhere felt amazing. I still have it. And my orgasms are just as strong now as they were 40 years ago.”

Final Thoughts: Real Sex, Real Aging, Real Joy

It’s a shame we don’t raise our kids to understand that, yes, sex is great when you’re young—but for the truly universe-bending, soul-melting kind of sex?

You’ve got to wait for it. Age delivers.