Kissing is a Lover’s Signature

No matter how well you kiss or not, you can take your kissing skill to the next level.  If you don’t get kissing right, things will not progress. Kissing is the testing ground for going deeper.  You can learn to navigate juicy kissing territory with greater confidence, success and passion.  Great kissers are not born, they are made.


You need to learn the difference between kissing (doing) vs. being kissed (done to)–and why the difference is important.  You will expand your pleasure if you learn styles of kissing that are female-based vs. male-based (the norm and often over done).  Learn kissing that gradually heats up on a scale of one-to-ten on the ‘Touch Scale.”  Your kisses, with these simple lessons, will surprise, delight and dispel old routines.


Start out Slowly:  Know the difference between Male and Female Touch.

Kissing tests the waters for going further, so don’t make to the mistake of kissing too hard, too fast, too wet, too soon. If a man is too eager and rushes past the subtle and whispery beginnings with me, I step back.  Immediate too-much-tongue-mouth-mauling misses the point.  Discovery by kissing is a tender, playful journey.


Start out slowly and leisurely with your kissing.  On a scale of one-to-ten male touch is five-to-ten.  The much softer and gentler female touch is one-to-five on the scale of pressure, wetness, and speed.  For the female side of the Touch Scale, think feathers, eyelashes, hair, cheek or lips brushing–almost dry–over the skin. Think warm breath and pauses between nibbles.


Remember ‘stillness’ is a stroke, number one on the Touch Scale, and play it to your advantage.  Any musician knows without playing the rests, there is no music. Female touch is more like lightly caressing of the surface of the skin, not manipulating the musculature.  Most men rush by or never even experience this slower, softer kind of touch which women adore.


How lightly can you kiss?  With a relaxed, soft mouth, graze over her cheeks and facial features barely touching the skin.  With an almost dry tongue trace the eyebrows.  Tenderly kiss the tip of her nose and the corner of her lips.  Explore her contours with your mouth, make it up as you go, moment by moment.


Breathe lightly into an ear and lick its contour.  The mouth is so sensitive that less is often more.  Your lips and tongue are exploring and discovering each nook and mound.  Your attitude is inquisitive, like a child playing a new game with each kiss.  Once on her mouth kiss lightly without your tongue at first.


The Kissing Game: Separate the roles of giving and receiving.

Once I had the most wonderful kisser for a boyfriend, so I was surprised when after time I got bored with our kissing.  Then I discovered why.  He was always kissing me (do-er) and I was always receiving (done-to).  It just got routine.  As soon as I realized I needed to trade roles occasionally, things cooked up.  Instead of the predictable “his way”, we began to share the lead. Culturally women are shy to lead, but men love it.  They really want to please us and are thankful when we show them how.


Here’s a non-verbal kissing game to try with your partner.  Take turns being the active “kisser” and receiver of kisses or “kissee.”  When you are the kissee offer a soft, slightly open mouth for the kisser’s exploration and do not react by moving (not easy to do!).  Close your eyes and tune into your sensations.  Breathe.


When you are the kisser find new ways to explore the sensations of your mouth and tongue for your pleasure on your lovers face and body.  Tune into your sensations and breathe.  Decide on a time frame like five or ten minutes for playing each role of kisser and kissee.  Play the game with a sense of adventure and a clear intention for discovery.  Keep the time frames tidy so interest holds.  Then without talking, reset the timer and switch roles.  Afterwards, offer the highlights of the game and share what you liked about your partner’s kisses.  Each time you play the game you learn. Keep your feedback positive.


Nothing will spice up your kissing more than relaxing into receiving what your partner is giving you without needing to take over (not easy to do, but worth it–especially for guys).  Let the woman be in charge, and if she doesn’t volunteer, suggest it.  We are in a culture that tells her not to be bold or lead, so ask her!  You’ll be so glad you did. Experiment with kissing, not only trading roles giving and receiving, but experiencing the whole gamut of male and female on the Touch Scale 1-10!


2 thoughts on “Kissing is a Lover’s Signature”

  1. Hi Charla,

    I LOVE your kissing article and have so much appreciation for all that you share. It so inspires me and encourages me with the work I am doing. Thank you again and again.

    I would SO love to have you come here to San Luis Obispo to give a workshop sometime. Would you still be interested in coming at some point?

    Warm regards,


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