Sex and Tango: Notes from a Sex Coach and Tango Dancer

A newcomer to Tango dancing, I’m inspired to share the many parallels I see between this intimate, elegant dance and what I teach as a sex coach about intimate, elegant sex.  


In the sensual dance of Tango, the man becomes the container for the dance, and the woman, the movement.  The man forms the foundation, the woman moves the energy and light.  He is the Presence; She is the Dance.  He makes a subtle suggestion, a proposal for action, she interprets his cue, and moves her body.  In short, the man makes an offer, the woman interprets, and whatever she does–he makes it right!   And then he offers another suggestion–over and over.


In Sex as in Tango, a man needs a deep connection to his inner core strength to be a strong container or underlying Presence.  His Presence, deep and spiritual, is the safe springboard for the woman’s delight, play, energy the light.   He suggests, and she moves and dances her dance.


In sex, if a man is too busy trying, doing, moving, or even penetrating, he cannot hold the strong container for a woman’s dance.  A man must be able to touch his essential ‘stillness’, just as a musician knows, “There is no music without playing the rests.”  A good Lover (and Tango dancer) is a man who can hold space for a woman to do her thing.  And a good Lover (and Tango dancer) is a woman who can take this space, own it, breathe it, and move through it with joy and abandon…to both’s delight!  A man connected to his core strength and comfortable with ‘not doing’  sets the Universe in motion by his mere suggestion.


When a man provides a space for a woman to find her pleasure, she’ll capture the light and ride into ecstasy…carrying them both beyond the music, beyond the bedroom, beyond the dance floor, beyond the light, and into a seamless Sea of Pleasure and Treasured Connection that we all love, long for, and long to be lost in.


Interestingly, in Tango, except for learning purposes, one partner is perpetually the ‘lead’ (suggesting movements), and other the ‘follower’ (interpreting cues). The beauty of good sex is, although the man and women naturally (and culturally) play certain roles, we get to switch.  And changing off the lead can be fun, playful, inventive, and enlightening.  In sex we can choose to negotiate roles, reverse them, change our mind, all which makes things very interesting.  Sex is a great place to discover our innate male and female, our natural desire to both lead and follow.  This expansiveness in sexuality, a uniquely human invention of consciousness, lets us play in both realms–accessing our larger selves, harnessing greater awareness, and expanding our spiritual soul.


So I love expressing my feminine on the dance floor, dressing sexy in high heels, and love the men who hold space for my dance.  And I love ‘tangoing’ in the bedroom knowing deeply the complimentary essence of power and surrender, their unique qualities and challenges, and choosing and weaving between them in every moment.


My favorite Austin Tango teachers are Stephen Shortnacy,  Monica & Gustavo and Daniela


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